Directions to "THE HOUSE"

BY: Harold D. Hansbro, Jr.

Make a right turn onto Believer Blvd. Keep straight and go through

the green light, which is Jesus Christ. From there you must turn onto

the Bridge of Faith, which is over troubled water. When you get off

the bridge, make a right turn and keep straight.

You'll be on the King's Highway Heaven-Bound. Keep on going then

Exit off onto Grace Blvd. From there make a right turn onto

Gospel Lane. Keep straight and then make another right turn onto

Prayer Blvd. As you go on your way, yeild not to the traffic on

Temptation Avenue. Also, avoid Sin Street, because it's a dead end.

Pass up Envy Drive and Hate Avenue. Be sure to pass Hypocrisy Street,

Gossiping Lane and Backbiting Blvd. Be aware that you have to go

down Longsuffering Lane, Persecution Blvd, and Trials and Tribulation

Turnpike, But that's all right because Victory Blvd. is straight ahead!

God Bless You All.

I love going to church and being in the presence of God's people.

I also enjoy a good football game, so when my brother passed these

to me I wanted to share them here with all of you. I hope they make you smile!

(Linda Maddix)

"Quarterback Sneak"

Church members quietly leaving during the invitation.

"Halftime"

The period between Sunday School and worship

when many choose to leave.

"Benchwarmer"

Those who do not sing, pray, work or apparently

do anything but sit.

"Backfield in motion"

Making a trip to the back (restroom or

water fountain) during the service.

"Staying in the pocket"

What happens to a lot of the money that

should be given to the Lord's work.

"Sudden death"

What happens to the attention span of the congregation

if the preacher goes overtime.

"Trap"

When you are called on to pray and you are asleep.

"End run"

Getting out of church quick, without speaking

to any quests or fellow members.

"Two minute warning"

The point where you realize the sermon is almost

over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.

"Instant replay"

The preacher loses his notes and falls back on

last week's illustrations.

"Flex defense"

The ability to allow absolutely nothing said

during the sermon to affect your life.

"Halfback option"

The decision of 50 percent of the congregation not

to return for the evening service.

"Blitz"

The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.

:) God Bless You All Today and Everyday!

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